I almost forgot to post this because this was the single handed reason I was gonna make a new stew anyway:
see this thing right here? this is the happy hotdog man. you know what his purpose is for? making kids want to eat their food. how is this gonna make kids want to eat food? the only things this could possibly do is a) make them play with it more, b) creep them out into never eating food again, or c) end up as that little kitchen ware that nobody gives a crap about that falls into the dark end of the drawer. got any other uses for the happy hotdog man?
It’s friday, it’s lunchtime, and i’ve turned back on the oven for some stew for the first time in a while (oh how i miss having good ideas for blog posts). Here’s the best, craziest, and most boring news stories with a sarcastic spin:
According to Christian Science Monitor, the government may have found a link in an old cell phone of bin Laden’s to a possible link to Pakastani spies (no, not al-qaida agents, hold your horses ‘murica patriots). The link goes straight to Harakat-ul-Mujahedeen, a group that works with Pakastani troops. A security official has recently denied connection between the two groups, but let’s just see how Mrs. Palin decides to change up this story.
In celebrity news, Lindsey Lohan blames a slightly alcoholic drink called Kombucha Tea for her recent sobriety test failure. The tea, which only contains about 0.5% alcohol content, is what the so called actress considers to be her favorite drink. Truth of the matter is, she’s probably telling the truth: i mean, she may have had maybe 5-6 wine coolers, 7 beers, and 3 shots along with it, but it’s just such a good drink that she probably just had alot of it. To make matters worse, TMZ.com reports that she’s allowed to drink on probation… so the test was pretty much useless.
New reports are showing that the makers of certain generic prescription drugs are starting to stop putting warnings of side effects on labels. Their reasoning: the brand name drugs aren’t doing it. Look big pharma, i know you wanna act cool and all, but this isn’t high school anymore. No one’s gonna think you’re “cool” for not following the rules and being a complete sellout to the popular crowd.
Ron Artest could become the next Chad Ocho-Cinco. Besides having the ego to back up his actions, Ron-ron is also trying to get his name legally changed to Metta World Peace. Ok, i’ve heard some pretty ironic stories in my life, but if the 31 year old Lakers semi-star thinks this is a good idea, he’s got another think coming. This is good for irony though. Remember when you spread peace on the court during that Pistons game?
In politics today, a republican (well technically libratarian, but they don’t get votes) and a democrat have finally made peace today over something that’s caused alot of peace for some reason: pot. The two unlikely partners, Ron Paul and Barney Frank, have come up to congress with a bill that may finally legalize and regulate marijuana. The group is trying to make it an add on to Amendment 21, which has to do with alcohol regulation. CNN, however, says the bill is a long shot from pass. Well, no matter how it ends, we know what these two are doing afterwords.
Mozilla has decided to pull the plug on Firefox 4 to the dismay of many techies and hipsters alike. The company said that there were some unpatched holes in the system that would be near impossible to fix, so they decided to discontinue. A recent counter statement by Microsoft shamelessly tells people to switch their browsers to Internet Explorer. Nice try, but we know what everyone will be using now:
Justin Bieber was recently attacked by an undercover policeman in what was reported to be a “big misunderstanding”. The singing less-than-sensation was being bombarded by a group of fans when suddenly this officer jumped out to try to help him, but instead tackled him to the ground. TMZ reports the man who was bombarding him was actually one of his security team members. Two people accidentally hitting Bieber at once? This has to be better than coincidence.
Finally, congress is about to put the ban hammer down on Obama. The house of representatives is set to meet today to rebuke the Libya campaign. They already met friday and restricted the funding for this war no one wanted. Hey Obama, your Bush is showing.
So that’s been your stew for today. In personal news, i’m playing a show tonight with my band at dacula’s indiefest tonight at 6. come see some awesome local bands play some sick music. also, as far as acting is concerned, sketchworks is having their third annual sketchteens show, The Sketchwork Diaries, July 30th and July 31st. You can pick up your tickets here: http://www.sketchworkscomedy.com/